December 30, 2019
As anyone who's sent an email in the past, say, five days knows, 'tis the season for those mechanically polite "out-of-office" bounce-back emails. World leaders deserve time off too, so here's a look at the automatic replies that we got from a few of them...
Vladimir Putin – Hello, I'm currently out celebrating the 20th anniversary of the day I took control of Russia. Let's be serious though: I will never truly be "out of office." For non-urgent requests, contact Dmitry Medvedev. He's still Prime Minister. No, seriously. For urgent requests, you'll have to wait until I'm back in town.
Evo Morales –Gracias por su correo. Following a coup, I am now "out of office." For the moment, you can reach me in Mexico. For urgent requests, please contact my MAS party, which is planning to field some candidates who are not me in the upcoming election.
Donald Trump – Hello LOSERS, thank you. I am right now looking VERY STRONGLY at a nine iron. The RADICAL LEFT do-nothing Democrats may want me "out of office" but THEY will not SUCCEED. Sad!
Nicolas Maduro – Hola, it's actually me writing here. A year ago, some of you were sure you'd be getting an out of office reply from me before long. As it turns out, I'm still very much in office. My generals and I are looking forward to a prospero año nuevo indeed.
Kim Jong-un – Thanks for your note, you deranged and bloodthirsty foolish swine. I am currently out at a Workers Party offsite and I may follow that up with a missile-building exercise, but you will hear from me soon. If this is Xi or Putin, you know how to reach me lol.
Angela Merkel – Vielen dank für Ihre Nachricht. I have been in office for so long now I'm not even sure what being Out of Office will be like, but that could happen as soon as this year. Hopefully someone will take care of Europe -- I did my best. In the meantime you can reach me at angieunbound @ Muttimail dot com.
Mark Zuckerberg – Hi, I read your email before you even sent it. I'm not "in office" in the political sense, but I have more power than most people who are. Try to regulate me. Just. You. Try.
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