<p><strong>Emmanuel Macron, French President</strong></p><p>I shall mingle with the common people. "Folks" I think you call them, yes? Angela Merkel's autumn exit will make me Europe's <em>numéro un</em>, but unless I persuade la France that I comprehend <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/the-road-ahead-for-macron-is-only-getting-rougher" target="_self">their <em>problèmes</em></a>, I may not be President de la Republique after the 2022 election. </p><p><strong>Maja Vajiralongkorn, King of Thailand</strong> </p><p>I too shall try to win more public affection, particularly among these young people who are now always<a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/young-thais-take-on-the-generals-and-the-king" target="_self"> protesting</a> to limit my powers. I don't understand how these kids can't relate to me. I'm a <a href="https://fortune.com/2020/10/31/thailand-king-net-worth-protesters/#:~:text=My%20taxes!%E2%80%9D,estimated%20%2440%20billion%20in%20assets." rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">filthy-rich</a> sugar daddy, <a href="https://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-thailand-protests-idUKKBN28U0EW" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">hip fashion icon</a>, and recent victim of <a href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/sineenat-wongvajirapakdi-thai-kings-official-mistress-has-hundreds-of-nudes-allegedly-leaked" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">online revenge porn</a>. Basically the ultimate Instagram star! </p><p><strong>Vladimir Putin, President of Russia</strong> </p><p>Resolutions? Hmm, no, no I can't think of anything I'd really <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/putin-is-still-winning" target="_self">do differently</a>. Been here for 20 years now — what is expression, "if not broken, don't fix," yes? </p><p><strong>Ayatollah Khamenei, Supreme Leader of Iran</strong></p><p>As far as we are concerned, the new year starts in <a href="https://surfiran.com/nowruz-persian-new-year/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">March</a>. Until then the only thing that requires resolution is the nuclear deal — we'll be waiting for your call, Joe. </p><p><strong>Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister</strong> </p><p>I will not, under any circumstances, visit Scotland. One knows when and where one is <em>persona non grata,</em> and their parliamentary elections in May are all the more likely to pave the way toward another <a href="https://www.dw.com/en/brexit-scottish-independence-back-in-the-spotlight/a-55947152" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">independence referendum</a> — especially if I show my <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/its-done-eu-uk-avoid-no-deal-brexit" target="_self">post-Brexit</a> face on Scottish lands. </p><p><strong>Narendra Modi, Prime Minister of India</strong></p><p>I will not mess with farmers again in 2021 if I can avoid it. Wow — just <em>wow</em> — was that a <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/farm-to-negotiating-table-in-india" target="_self">mistake</a>. The Muslims have <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/the-stories-covid-buried" target="_self">proven to be </a>a far easier target. </p><p><strong>Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany</strong></p><p>No matter how tempted I may be to kiss and hug him as though I were a Southern European, I will <em>maintain</em> my composure when my <a href="https://carnegieeurope.eu/strategiceurope/83404" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">good old friend</a> Joe Biden comes to visit next, this time as President. I WILL maintain it!</p><p><strong>Abiy Ahmed, Prime Minister of Ethiopia</strong></p><p>Give me a break! I'm quite preoccupied right now with a <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/ethiopia-at-war-with-itself" target="_self">civil war</a>, my neighbors want to <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/dam-it-fighting-over-nile-water" target="_self">stop filling</a> my new dam, and my own ethnic brothers say I <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/pandora-visits-ethiopia" target="_self">betrayed them</a>. I'll try to take it easy in 2021, and maybe win another Nobel if I can make peace with Tigray.</p><p><strong>Recep Tayyip Erdogan, President of Turkey</strong> </p><p>I will make a <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/turkey-without-friends" target="_self">friend</a>. Doesn't matter who. I just need one. Putin? Not sure. Biden? Perhaps. The Saudi Crown Prince? Probably not. Maybe I should just <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKq7UqplcL8" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">adopt a cat</a>. </p><p><strong>Jair Bolsonaro, President of Brazil</strong></p><p>Well, in 2020 we hit a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/dec/01/amazon-deforestation-surges-to-12-year-high-under-bolsonaro" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">12-year high</a> in rainforest destruction. And hear me now: we are not a country of <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2020/11/11/bolsonaro-coronavirus-brazil-quotes/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">sissies</a>, we can burn even MORE in 2021!</p><p><strong>Bibi Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel</strong> </p><p>I will not — WILL NOT — let my right-wing former so-called "friends" secure my defeat in parliamentary elections this coming March. Should I collude with a rabbi to<a href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/even-benjamin-netanyahus-dirty-tricks-couldnt-quite-win-him-a-majority" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> reveal (sexual) secrets</a> about my political foes? Perhaps try a little<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/mar/17/binyamin-netanyahu-israel-arab-election" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> fear-mongering </a>about Arab voters to boost turnout? Ha, those were my old<a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/is-this-the-beginning-of-the-end-for-israels-netanyahu" target="_self"> tricks and shticks</a> — just wait till you see what I have in store in 2021…</p><p><strong>Xi Jinping, President of China</strong></p><p>I am not going to let up an inch in my quest to put China at the center of the global stage. Let us see how Mr. Biden <a href="https://www.gzeromedia.com/biden-goes-to-china" target="_self">deals</a> with that… </p><p><strong>Donald Trump, President of the US </strong></p><p>This is a disgrace — there is no way in hell I am going to be the last person on any list in 2021, that I can tell you. </p><p><strong>You, dear reader</strong></p>What's your New Year's resolution? Let us know <a href="mailto:signal@eurasiagroup.net" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>.
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